The individual divided

“At the end of the day, we must go forward with hope and not backward by fear and division.”
-Jesse Jackson

A resume is a fine tool to pinpoint a person’s achievements. However, it does not include the person’s potential, and it cannot integrate the dynamic element of a personality and its interactive relation with history. Contrary to the leadership timeline exercise tool, a resume shows the highs but veils and suppresses the lows. It builds up a hymen from which to seclude the public matters, the so-called private ones. This way, a crucial part of the individual remains outside of what one calls the comfort zone.

Life extends from the past, through the present, to the future. The past incorporates every little detail of the individual. Even stories about loss and failure point to the knowledge, experience, and awareness one has accumulated.

The hymen built through people’s lives makes their perspective one-dimensional. Almost everyone has received some compliments for things they have accomplished in the past, but they were not aware that it would make a difference to someone else. For what it is worth, someone felt the desire or urge to express his admiration to this individual, but perhaps, due to this “hymen” this person has built, he does not experience all of the joy. To let the joy enter, one must really be in the moment and do some reflection on what it was that one did; something to which one never really paid that much attention but someone else did to such a degree that he wanted to let the other person know his appreciation. This is the moment when one should reflect on “what it’s worth”. People must discover this worth as something that exists inherently within them and feed this forward. Therefore, this becomes an essential quality that does not appear on their resume or in their perception of life.

The reason that some people miss some parts of themselves is that their “hymen” functions as a sabotaging device that is now growing to become a new part of them. Consequently, they are now an individual divided. They will inherently seek confirmation of their actions, which invites doubt, and is in need of preservation, which invites fear of change.

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Therefore, by expelling the dynamic elements of life, people are succumbing to a more static way of assessing things.  Life is dynamic, whereas a resume is static. Life is sustained on change, resume resists it.  When an individual lives an unbalanced life, the wheel of life is a wonderful tool to help him visualize where this unbalance is nested. It is helpful to decide where to focus, what to prioritize, and where to set the primary targets.

However, what is crucial for the tool to work is to motivate the client to reflect on his life and all the sectors that his life may have. Usually, the wheel of life comes pre-categorized, but it is strongly suggested that the coach let the coachee decide which are the main spokes of his own wheel of life.

Some people are reluctant to be sincere and start exploring their psyche and all things of the past.

The autobiography tool can help them to effectively leverage the process, as this paper has analyzed previously. From experience, it is necessary to ensure that the coachee has enough time, concentration and stimuli to focus and reflect on each sector of his life and write down approximately 150 to 200 words for each one. This is usually assigned as homework to be delivered in the next session. Upon completion, the coachee is encouraged to summarize the overall aftertaste of these “visits in the past”.  He is then invited to grade the fulfillment he has gained from each of these sectors by filling the wheel of life.

Having the wheel of live duly completed, one has to be certain about clearing the fog that was covering some areas of the coachee’s life, so this individual can focus effectively, and decide where to aim and how to prioritize. He is then able to see the big picture instead of merely fragments, the forest and not the trees, the game and not the players. One more factor that one must bear in mind when one is hesitant whether to proceed with the above process or choose a lighter one is that the process itself is so fruitfully engaging that it encourages the client to commit to the coaching process. The coachee is guided to look the man in the mirror and observe. Slowly but surely, he realizes that the degree of his engagement is directly proportional to the outcome. Although he may feel discomfort at some points, he understands that discomfort is the key if he wants to explore deep within the rabbit hole.